As time goes by

So my baby was 5 months old yesterday. 

5 MONTHS OLD! How did this even happen?! Time is going by so quickly and it makes me so sad that I have to go back to work soon. Only 3 full months left with my baby full time. The thought of leaving her makes my heart ache.

My brother said to me the other day to start leaving her with our mum a day a week other wise the separation anxiety for both of us is going to be horrendous. 

I already don't like leaving her, I don't like sharing her, I hate being away from her even for an hour. How I'm going to be able back to work full time I just don't know. 

Rosie's currently asleep on my chest - she really should be in bed but she's going to need another bottle before going to sleep. The little toad woke up at half 5 this morning and has had her 5 bottles already. She normally wakes about 7am which takes us nicely through the day. But no the little porker needs 6 bottles today!!

 

I love her so much. She is now asleep chest to chest and is dribbling all over me! 

I love it when she sleeps like this and is so sleep when she wakes up. She lifts her little head and opens her sleepy eyes and stares at me and smiles. My heart hurts.

 

Look at that chubby little arm! 

As much as time really is flying by, I also can't wait to see what she looks like as she grows. She really is a mini version of her Dad and I can't see any of me in there at all. I only grew her and carried her for 9 months!! But with her big blue eyes and her gorgeous dimples, there is no denying who she takes after. Maybe #2 will look like me?! 

 

She's changing so much and getting so big! She's more than doubled her birth weight and now weighs 17.5lbs. I'm in love with her chubby folds and her chunky thighs (maybe she did get something from me after all haha) I couldn't be prouder if I tried of the beautiful little girl she is. She's so happy and bright and engaged, I just hope that she continues to be happy and one day loves us as much as we love her. 

Jx

It's time!

As luck would have it, Jamie was working from home on the 14th September. At approximately 8:45am on the way to the toilet, my waters broke. 

I sat on the loo thinking shit have they really, it was all starting to get very real! I yelled to Jamie from the bathroom to come and inspect - as I thought I might have wet myself. He did in fact  clarify that it did not smell of urine. 

I then rang my mum (obviously) and told her what I thought had happened. She again reiterated that I wouldn't have suddenly become incontinent and yes it would be my waters.

I then rang my midwife (still sat on the loo) And explained what had just happened. She told me to pop a pad on and make my way down to them at midday and they would assess the situation. 

9am - 12midday the longest 3 hours of my life. I got showered, re washed my hair and prepared myself. 

 

It was happening!!

When Jamie and I arrived at the midwife office, we took a seat and waited some more. Eventually (it probably wasn't long in all fairness) I was taken to the office and en route my waters broke some more! Mortified! They confirmed on the spot yes that was definitely my waters. 

But as I wasn't having any contractions there was a danger of infection. I had 2 choices, 1 go home and wait 24 hours to see if it happened naturally and then therefore I could go to the local birthing centre or 2 go to the hospital immediately for an induction. 

I really wanted a natural birth and only wanted gas and air so I chose to wait 24 hours.

So we went home. Via MacDonalds.

As the evening progressed I started getting contractions. And when I went to bed they were there and it was a little uncomfortable. I had visions of Jamie taking me to Wallingford Maternity Hospital in the middle of the night. But no. Of course not. I hardly slept as they were happening sporadically during the night but by 6am on the 15th September (DUE DATE!) they had stopped. So under the instructions of the midwife off we trotted to the John Radcliffe hospital where I was to be induced. Sadly. I didn't even get to go to the midwife led unit at the hospital as I needed an induction. Straight to the delivery suites. 

At about midday I was seen my the midwife who would be looking after me. She set up my drip and basically told me to brace myself as the contractions would be pretty intense. She wasn't wrong! After a quick inspection I was already 2cms dilated. I was feeling pretty ok with life. I did take part in a trial of injections of saline at the base of my back as my back was really sore and they did help. 

I managed about 6 hours of contractions with just controlling my breathing and the injections and moving about and at that point we had a change of midwife. The contractions started getting pretty bad by then and I was struggling. The midwife set up the gas and air which I then took gratefully. Not sure it helped really but if nothing was a good distraction. Made me feel like I'd had too many proseccos! 

All I really remember is saying to the midwife that I was desperate for a poo and I really needed to go. Of course when I tried to go I couldn't. But he midwife humoured me anyway! 

After a few hours it was getting pretty bad and I was examined. I had only got to 4cms. Fuck my actual life was she actually fucking kidding me right now?? She suggested that I might need a little help. GIVE ME ALL THE DRUGS! 

I had an epidural put in at that point. And how I managed to sit still whilst they did it I have no idea. Oh what sweet bliss the drugs are! After a few minutes my pain that was through the roof went to a sensation. I love the drugs. I even managed to rest! At this point I have no idea on time scales as I was high as a kite! The midwife had to keep an eye on me very closely and attached a heart beat monitor to the baby's head- just to be sure. 

After more hours, I was told I was at 10cms - thank the bloody lord! I might add I was on midwife number 3 by this point! That's how long this whole affair was taking! My guess is at approx 2:00am on the 16th September I was told to push. I pushed for an hour and a half, I pushed until I vomited: this baby was not coming out.  The midwife went and got the consultant who strode in with his little ultra sound and prodded and poked me and advised me I'm not sure what position your baby is in but we are going to need to assist you in getting this baby out.  At this point I swear to you, I thought either myself or the baby wasn't going to make it. He started talking about forceps and if that didn't work they would need to do an emergency c section under GA. I was shitting myself. 

From the doctor telling me this, to me signing a consent form I was in surgery with about 15 health care professionals within 5 minutes. The small journey down from my delivery suite to surgery was only a few minutes, but my epidural had worn off and I was in the most amount of pain I've ever been in. Ever. I'm ashamed to say i screamed the hospital down! 

As I already had an epidural in place they used that to give me my spinal block. I couldn't feel anything from my boobs down. To watch them move my legs and put stockings on me while I had no control whatsoever was beyond strange. I was in no pain and I couldn't feel anything. 

The midwife again told me when to push as she could feel my contractions and thankfully after about 10 minutes of pushing my baby girl came out with the aid of forceps at 4:59am on the 16th September 2016 weighing 8lbs 3 and 3/4 ozs. Pure perfection. 

The first thing I asked was is she a girl! I was still convinced she was going to be a boy! 

I made Jamie follow her and make sure she was ok, she was the most important thing in the world.

I spent the next 30mins being stitched up. I had a third degree tear and they had to give me an episiotomy. Jamie said he took a look round the room after the baby was born and it was like something from a war zone. 

After I had been stitched and a catheter inserted I was wheeled to recovery with my beautiful baby girl in my arms. But as soon as I got to my bay I yelled at jamie to take the baby as I was going to vomit again. Childbirth is not glamorous.

But we did it. We were both alive and she was healthy and that is all that mattered. 

 

 Rosie's first photo. Love at first sight. 

 

The next day those forceps marks had almost gone.

 

12 hours after the birth.

 

My heart hurts.

I had to stay in over night as I lost quite a bit of blood and they needed to make sure Rosie was ok and didn't develop any infections from the waters breaking early.

That first night in hospital was horrific. We eventually got to sleep about 11pm as it was so hot and noisy. Then at 1am someone's baby woke up and that was it for the night. Bearing in mind I'd had no sleep by this point for 3 days I was exhausted. I couldn't even discharge myself as I had that wanky catheter in!

I was trying to breastfeed without a clue really how to do it, trying to keep my newborn from crying. Trying to stop myself from crying and just trying to survive a night.

The next morning Jamie turned up early and the hospital said that we were to stay in another night as they had done all the post birth checks on the baby but I had a massive hissy fit and said no way. They agreed for me to take Rosie to Wallingford on Sunday for the checks: I was delighted, I needed to get home. 

 

My world

At home with my baby

 

ROSIE HOPE REYNOLDS - you are my life. 

Jx 

The final countdown!

After what felt like centuries I made it to the third trimester - hurrah! Every week when I took my little bump photo I was getting ever closer to meeting our daughter. And for those who know me know I'm not the most patient person in the world so having no control over time was sheer toture! I was desperate to meet her! 

 

At this point in my pregnancy I was still commuting to Hemel Hempstead most days for work, and in this particular day I nearly didn't take a photo as it took me 3 hours to get home from work. I could have cried. And obviously so most of the journey I needed to pee :( But at least it was summer and it was still light when I got home. There was definitely no hiding I was pregnant now!

 

 

 

I think this is one of my favourite pregnancy photos! I was so proud of my perfect little bump (which my sister always said looked bigger in real life!) This was a special day as we finished the baby's nursery. I literally could not stop going in there and pottering around - it's my favourite room of our house. 

On the 15th July we made the hard decision to put our boy cat to sleep. He was extremely poorly and was not in a good way.  He had problems with constipation and he struggled to go even with medication and resulted in him getting very poorly. The vet said it was the kindest thing to do but it absolutely broke our hearts. I still cry now when I think about it. He died in my arms, I hope he knew how much we loved him. We love you Moosh x

 

 

God I was hot and swollen here! My poor little legs and feet were no longer little. I resembled the elephant man :(

 

What a sweet day! I finished work!! No more commuting! I just couldn't hack it anymore! I took all of August as annual leave with my maternity starting at the beginning of September. I worried about what I was going to do with my time. But it flew by and I loved every second. I have always worked and had a job or been at college, so to have time off for myself doing NOTHING was a new experience- one that I wouldn't never get again. So i recommend it entirely. 

  

Lovely leaving presents!

 

My wonderful team took me for lunch, and showered me with beautiful gifts for me and the baby, so lucky. 

 

1st August- I was getting the hang of this maternity leave malarkey!

But on the 3rd August it was a different story. I went for a midwife appointment and I felt so poorly. Sick, shakey, really unwell. The midwife detected protein in my urine and suspected I might be developing preeclampsia. So off to the hospital I went. I was hooked up to a monitor and they took some bloods. Much to the worry of my parents who took me to the hospital and my terrified husband who met us at the hospital. Turns out I hadn't developed it and I was fine. I just had a virus and that's why I felt so poorly. Sent home to rest- I was getting good at that! 

 

At this point I knew I was going to have a big baby!!

 

Another day another hospital visit! My mum came with me to this one. From about 20 weeks I had been getting pain in my ribs, they had ruled out preeclampsia but the hospital wanted to do a scan on my liver to make sure all was ok there. Turns out it was fine. And it was baby R causing me issues as she was pressing on my insides causing me all sorts of pain! Even wiping the work tops hurt at this point! So glad I was no longer driving! 

 

Guess what? Another hospital appointment today! This time it was a scan to locate my placenta. As at 20 weeks it was low and there was a possibility that I might need a c section if it didn't move out of the way. But it had! So I was going to have a natural vaginal birth. Baby R has gotten so big we didn't get to see her face! Not long now. Just got to play waiting game seen as we wouldn't be getting a planned c section. 

 

 

 

I made an effort and did my hair and make up and everything to go out for dinner with my husband to celebrate our anniversary. I felt fucking humongous! Especially when the husband joked Oh blacks not that slimming is it! RUDE!! 

 

 

I took 2 photos at 39 weeks as I swear the bump looked different from the morning to the afternoon. I also did serious amounts of gardening that day in a bid to get things moving. But no. I had the midwife booked for a week today for a sweep, I was really hoping I wouldn't need it! 

 

Yep, still pregnant. Happy birthday to me! At least I wouldn't be sharing my birthday haha! But I did have some twinges that I thought might have been contractions. But they never materialised into anything. 

 

This was the day before my birthday, my Bump had dropped!

 

Birthday Bumps! 

 

I was massive! This was taken on the 13th September at 1pm, I washed my hair, shaved what I could reach and relaxed all under the supervision of Molly. I must have had a premonition as the next morning, my waters broke! 

Jx 

It's a girl!

When we went for our 20 week scan, again I was nervous as they make sure the baby has developed as it should and certain parts of her anatomy are working correctly. And if the baby is playing the game, you can find out the sex of the baby. Of course we wanted to know! And to find out that we were expecting a girl I was in shock. I was convinced that the baby was going to be a boy! 

 

 

Look at her blowing bubbles! That little face is definitely girly! 

 

 

This was my gender reveal photo on Instagram! 

This day was the most exciting day bar her being born for me during our pregnancy.  My dream had come true and I was getting my daughter and she was healthy and I couldn't wait to meet her.

A member of the family really tainted this day for me though, she wanted to know why we didn't personally let her know we were having a girl and that she was upset she found out through Facebook! Because it's always all about you isn't it!!!! We told close family parents, siblings etc but didn't feel the need to go through our phone book and tell people we hadn't seen or spoken to in years! This same person also dug me out on the day of the birth, texting literally hours after Rosie was born saying the usual Congrats but then followed up with I'd really like to meet the baby as I don't think I'll see many photos seen as Jo's removed me from social media. Because that's exactly what I want to hear after I've just given birth! And yet still members of the family don't think she's done anything wrong - lunatics! Just tried to ruin 2 of the most important days of my life. Anyway, rant over, moving on! 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As you can see I really popped from 25 weeks, I adored watching my tummy grow and change shape. I didn't weigh myself during pregnancy apart from when a HCP weighed me, as my pre preggo leggings still fit right the way to the end! 

Next post we'll talk about the third trimester!

Jx